Yup, this is one of THOSE posts.
And yes, it is going to go there.
Chunky, chubby, bulky, squishy, round, bouncy, stocky, thick, jiggly, dimpled, plump, bubbly.
I hate these words.
No, I really hate these words and furthermore I hate that I frequently use these words to describe how I feel about my own body.
It’s disgusting, it’s degrading, it’s obscene, and it’s downright vulgar.
And quite frankly, I am SICK OF IT!!!
In just the past couple of weeks I have gone on a downward spiral and have slewn any and all of these words at some point at my poor defenseless body. It seems that every time I have even glanced at a mirror, this inner critical voice suddenly jumps out at me ready to assault the reflection with its disgusting critique:
“Oh honey, maybe you had better eat a few less grains today, your thighs are getting kind of big.”
“You’re looking kind of chunky today girl.”
“Am I fat? Do I look fat to you? Do I look like I have gained weight?”
It would be so easy to just dismiss these insults if they were coming from a girl standing next to me in the mirror. I could take one look at her, scoff, and proudly retort that she has no right to talk about me or my body that way, and promptly turn on my heel leaving the room with my head held high. Unfortunately this is not the case. There is no other girl. It’s just me, the mirror, and my body.
It really pains me to admit that these nasty words are my own.
Why can’t I accept my body for the way it is, flaws and all, and just be happy? Why does everything have to be so painstakingly perfect all the time? Will I ever be content? Will I ever truly be satisfied when I look in the mirror?
The cold hard truth is that I will probably NEVER grow to love my entire body 100% of the time. Knowing how critical I am I will always find something wrong with my appearance despite what anyone else says. I will never measure up to my ideal (whatever that is). But you know what? That shouldn’t matter. Regardless of whether I am having a “fat day” or a “fit day” or just a downright crummy day, I have absolutely no reason to ever talk negatively about my body.
Let me repeat that: I have absolutely no reason to ever talk negatively about my body.
My body is amazing.
It is capable of doing the most incredible things, of performing at an incredible capacity, and pushing past its comfort zone and powering through fatigue.
My body carries me through each and every day on strong and sturdy legs that stride down the street with half the confidence I wish I had. My body knows when it needs to be fueled and knows when it has reached its breaking point and just can’t continue any longer. The intricacies of my biological makeup fascinate me, down to the smallest most minute detail like something so simple as a fingernail. Every part of my body works together in unison, depending on each individual part to keep the other going. They are all important. I still marvel at how one sprained pinkie toe can cause me to completely topple over because it can no longer support my weight.
How I desperately wish that I and ever other girl out there could own and embrace this truth for themselves. That we could look at our thighs, our butts, our hips, and our legs, and just love and appreciate them. Whenever I hear someone cut themselves down, insisting that they are fat, I cringe. I just want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them and tell them how beautiful they are. I get sick inside knowing that they are struggling with the same thoughts that I struggle with and knowing how damaging this thinking is. How it can literally destroy a person. How it almost cost me my life.
I’ve chosen to title this series, “Why Weight?” Every Wednesday I will dedicate a post to this endless battle of body hate that we have grown so comfortable with. Because it’s disgusting and it needs to stop.
You may not be perfect but
You are beautiful.
I remember seeing these ads for Nike about a year ago. I really love how honest, and raw and open they are and how the speaker is truly embracing her body. I wish I could think like that. I want to think like that.
This week I want to challenge you to identify one part of your body be it your legs, your butt, your eyes, your shoulders, your ears, your elbows, literally ANYTHING and I want you to love it and embrace it just as these ads have done Why do you like that part of yourself? What makes it special to you? How does it function? What does it do to help your body live through each day? What is its purpose?
Here’s mine: I like my arms. I like that little dip in the flesh right below the shoulder where this tiiiiiiny bit of muscle is just starting to peak through. I like that I did that, I created that muscle by taking care of my body, feeding it, and challenging it with weights and Pilates. I like how they are kind of veiny and how dark they get even if I haven’t been out in the sun for very long. I especially like how long and spidery my arms are, like they could stretch on forever. They’re abnormal these arms of mine, kind of gorilla-like truthfully, but I like them all the same. They make me, me.
And I am beautiful.